So go ahead. Be too much. Be too loud. Be too honest. Be too happy.

That’s the secret they hide behind the retinol ads: Once the world stops looking at you like a potential piece of meat or a threat to its hierarchy, you can finally move like a ghost who steals what she wants. Attention? Don’t need it. Approval? Got a closet full of it from decades I’ll never get back. Permission? Please. The Three ‘Un-Learnings’ of 50-Something If you’re going to survive—no, thrive —in this decade, you have to unlearn three things immediately:

I stopped dyeing my hair last spring. Not because I suddenly “embraced my inner silver fox” (barf), but because I ran out of f*cks the same week I ran out of root touch-up. My stylist asked if I was sure. I said, “Watch this.” And then I went to brunch. Nobody died. In fact, a 28-year-old told me I looked “powerful.” I wanted to hug her and also ask if she knew where I left my reading glasses.

For the first fifty years, the equation was simple: Subtract the belly from the brunch. Subtract the opinion from the meeting if you want to keep your job. Subtract the need, the noise, the nerve. We were trained to fold ourselves into smaller, quieter, more digestible versions of who we actually were. Wear the beige. Laugh at the joke that wasn’t funny. Apologize for the parking spot. Apologize for existing in a room.

By Terry McMillan’s fictional best friend (and yours, too)