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Claire, wearing sensible slippers and a bathrobe, stared up the attic stairs. "Phil. We have three kids. The last place I want to be romantic is above where we store the Christmas decorations."
"Next year," Claire said, "let's just go to a movie."
Back at the Dunphy house, the "Sensual Sky Lounge" had malfunctioned. The fog machine wouldn't turn off, and the attic looked like a cloud had a seizure. Claire, coughing, finally sat on the inflatable heart chair. It popped instantly, dumping her onto a box of old tax returns.
And in the Pritchett-Delgado kitchen, Manny wrote a new poem: Ode to a Waitress with a Mustache. Jay ate cold steak from the fridge. Gloria danced alone to a Spanish love song, smiling. Familia Moderna 1x15
The Pritchett-Delgado household was a battlefield of perfume and teenage dread.
Cameron sighed. "Well. This is romantic."
Mitchell looked at his drool-covered tie, then at Cam's lavender blazer now smeared with mashed peas. "Actually," he said softly. "It kind of is." Claire, wearing sensible slippers and a bathrobe, stared
She stared at him. Then, despite herself, she laughed. He pulled her up, and they slow-danced in the chemical fog, stepping on a forgotten bag of potato chips.
Jay, Gloria, and Manny arrived at the steakhouse. The waitress did, in fact, have a mustache. But also, she had a soul. She listened to Manny's tale of woe about Zoe.
"You know," she said, refilling his water. "My first boyfriend gave me a potato. Baked. He said it was 'the heart of the earth.' I cried for a week. But now? I'm a waitress. And he works at a potato factory. So really, I won." The last place I want to be romantic
Through the door, Manny's voice was muffled but dramatic. "I can't go, Gloria. Zoe from Spanish class gave me a candy heart that said 'FRIEND.' The rejection is crippling."
"Deal," Phil said. Then he added, "But I'm bringing the fog machine."
Manny looked at her with newfound respect. "You understand pain."
It was a terrible Valentine's Day. Which, for the Pritchetts, the Dunphys, and the Tucker-Pritchetts, meant it was absolutely perfect.
Phil, covered in fake snow from the star projector, grinned. "Exactly! In twenty years, we'll laugh about this. We'll say, 'Remember the Valentine's Day I almost suffocated you?' That's love, Claire. Suffocation and laughter."