The impostor—a soft-spoken accountant named Melvin from Paramus—pleads his case: “You abandoned the Fartman persona after the MTV awards, Mr. Stern. The people need a hero. I’ve upgraded the methane propulsion system.”
“He’s got a squeeze toy in his pants, Howard. A rubber chicken modified with a tube.” howard stern archive 1999
“Melvin, I respect your commitment to flatulence-based vigilantism. But unless you can clear a room at the Friars Club, you’re a tribute act. Security? Escort the gas man out.” howard stern archive 1999
“Alright. Robin. We have a situation.” howard stern archive 1999
Robin loses it. Fred plays “Thus Spake Zarathustra” over a whoopee cushion. Howard pauses, then delivers the line that still circulates on bootleg forums: