Premature — -2014-

She turns ten this year. She runs cross-country. She yells at her brother. And sometimes, when she sleeps, I still count her breaths. Old habits from a year that taught me the only truth I know: the ones who arrive too early are often the ones who teach you how to hold on.

The world outside kept spinning. The radio in the waiting room played "Happy" by Pharrell. Someone had left a half-eaten bag of Cool Ranch Doritos on the arm of the chair. I stared at the clock above the NICU door. It ticked in seconds, but we were living in minutes. premature -2014-

I remember the sound first—not a cry, but a thin, reedy squeak, like a mouse under a pile of leaves. Then the flurry of purple scrubs, the hiss of oxygen, the Velcro rip of a warming bed. They let me touch one finger to her back. I could feel her ribs. She fit in the palm of my hand. She turns ten this year