Zerns Sickest Comics File «Legit × Breakdown»

Found in a crawlspace beneath a defunct “Funny Bone” franchise (Cleveland, 1999). Wrapped in butcher paper. No publisher, no date.

A single-panel splash, page 5. A clown saws a woman in half on stage. Her torso floats upward, trailing viscera shaped like calliope pipes. The audience is drawn in exact, soulless corporate-art style — smiling, clapping, sipping soda. The clown’s eyes are photographs of real eyes, glued on. Zerns Sickest Comics File

Approved for Sickest File, but only between 3–4 AM. Do not read aloud. Do not show to anyone who still believes in punchlines. If the dog starts whispering again, mail the file to the dead letter office in Yuma. Found in a crawlspace beneath a defunct “Funny

Here’s a short piece written for the fictional “Zern’s Sickest Comics File” — in the voice of a jaded underground comic archivist. Submitted to Zern’s Sickest Comics File, Tier: Black Label A single-panel splash, page 5

“CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION.”

“Zern — this one giggles when you photocopy it. Tried to burn it. Fire came out purple. Keep it in the lead box. — M.”