The comments section was a funeral.

He opened the app, selected John Wick: Chapter 4 , and instead of Keanu Reeves delivering a headshot, he got a white screen with a single, brutal line of text: “No Data. Check your connection.”

For three days, he tried everything. He cleared his cache until his phone begged for mercy. He turned off his VPN, then turned it back on. He even downloaded a “fixed version” from a sketchy website that immediately tried to sell him a “free” iPhone 14. (He did not win the iPhone.)